


orgy for none

by guineaDogs



Category: South Park
Genre: Fail sex, M/M, obvious satire that doesn't rly need to be tagged but here we are, top/bottom discourse is dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:41:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22948750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineaDogs/pseuds/guineaDogs
Summary: Clyde decides he wants to have an orgy with some buds. A brorgy. How dope? However, there's just one minor hiccup... they're all bottoms.
Relationships: Everyone/Everyone
Kudos: 21
Collections: south park shitposts





	orgy for none

**Author's Note:**

> i could probably write more but i'm high right now and really want a snack

“We about to get soooo lit tonight my dudes!” Clyde spoke to no one in particular, even though the his living room was filled with some friends, and friends of friends: Craig, Tweek, Stan, Gregory, and Pip. Craig and Stan were sprawled in their spots on the couch, proper manspreading, while Pip and Tweek sat meekly, determined to take up as little space as possible. Gregory, as expected, sat with perfect posture. 

Clyde, though, he was flying about the room with the utmost energy, getting the music going, carrying armfuls of drinks from the kitchen to the coffee table. As excited as he  _ was _ , what he couldn’t deny was that there was a certain amount of nervous energy about him as this was more than just a party. 

This was an  _ orgy. _

“I sure as fuck hope so,” Stan said, stretching his arms with an exaggerated manner.

Pip’s bottom lip trembled as he glanced among the other young men. “I have to admit, I’ve never done anything quite like this.” 

“M-me n-neither, nnnnngh,” Tweek admitted.

Craig though, merely raised his one of his brows. “As I’ve been a catamite since fourth grade, it should come as no surprise that over the past year I’ve done fifty of these.”

“Bull- _ shit, _ ” Stan quickly responded, giving him a shove. 

A raucous erupted between the boys, only disrupted when Clyde loudly and dramatically cleared his throat as he knelt in front of the coffee table, pouring copious amounts of Everclear into red dixie cups. “We’re drinking like kings tonight, boys. C’mon, this’ll loosen you all up.” Pip looked at the cup skeptically. Tweek sniffed it. Stan threw his cup back, downing what was essentially paint thinner without flinching. 

“I’ve got something that could also help,” Craig said. He’d yet to touch his cup, but he dug into his pocket for a few little blue pills.

“Oh shit,” Clyde said. He grabbed one, observing it between two of his fingers. While his friends took the pill, he smashed it on the coffee table, grinding it into a fine dust. “Imma take a hit like this,” he announced to his friends, and before anyone could say anything, he leaned over the coffee table, and while pressing one of his nostrils in, took a massive snort, inhaling a line of medicine. “Hell yeah!”

“Clyde, that’s—”

Before Clyde could heed the warning, he felt something warm dripping down his face. He dabbed his fingers against his lips, and when he pulled them away, his fingertips came away red. “I’m  _ bleeding _ ,” he wailed, scrambling to his feet to run to the bathroom.

All was quiet in the living room for the time that Clyde was away. Or, at the very least, they were quiet up until Pip spoke up. “I do declare, gentleman, I do have something of, as they say, a bit of a chub right now!”

“Cheers,” Gregory responded sagely, as if that was supposed to mean anything.

Clyde came back soon. He was still sniveling, with blooded tissues shoved up his nose. “I’m still  _ bleeding.” _

Craig snorted, in just the way that Clyde couldn’t right now. At some point he’d drank his vodka, and had now transformed into a proper lush. “That’s because… it’s… fuck, what’s the word? It’s designed to thin your blood and enlarge your blood vessels, asswipe.” 

As Clyde processed what Craig said, he sobbed, dramatically collapsing to the floor. “Oh god…. I’m bleeding  _ and _ I’m horny! Now no one’s going to want to fuck me!”

“Aw, no, d-don’t, gah, say that,” Tweek said, frowning with concern. “I’m sure someone will want to fuck you, Clyde.”

“But  _ you _ don’t!”

There were metaphorical crickets as silence once more fell among the men. Finally, Stan cleared his throat. “Well…  _ I  _ would personally love to, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t do that. I’m not the one that does the fucking.”

Clyde gasped, covering his face. “No… Stan, don’t say it.”

But Stan had to. He admitted the truth: “I am a bottom.” That was probably something that they needed to discuss before planning this, because echoes followed of “me too” and “yeah I am also a bottom.”

Clyde looked down at his aching boner as realization etched horror across his face. “Do you mean to tell me  _ we’re all bottoms? _ ”

“I am agog  _ and _ aghast,” Gregory. Craig and all those other guys could only concur. 

This did cause a problem though, and it was one that Craig quickly voiced. He was sporting a giant, aching boner, and he felt as though he could weap. “What are we to do? If we’re all bottoms, there’s no way for us to get off. There’s no one here to touch us.”

Gregory, a quick thinker who always tried to solve problems, came up with a suggestion: “Perhaps one us could try being a top.”

The immediate, loud dissent made one thing clear:  _ nobody liked that. _

And thus, the orgy was a fail and the group of friends stewed there in discomfort for about four hours. 

**Author's Note:**

> im most active on twittr @ guineadogs follow me if u want


End file.
